A letter to my long lost self; It’s okay to not be okay.

 

Dear you, 

Unhappy and unending are two words I have grown too used to. They describe the state my life had chosen for itself. 

Every minute spent, felt like everyone and everything around me was a figment of my imagination or even worse, characters in a movie that’s supposed to be my life. 

I felt that to some extent, thinking of the world in that self serving manner helped me through each day. 

My days felt slow and drowsy, like I was living the same day all over again. I would spend my days simply floating through time and existence as we know it. 

I did not like this part of my life, it was tough, slow, and unending. Each second squeezed through, slowly suffocating me. 

I could go on and on about how much emotional exhaustion would cloud me, how much I wanted to bleed through my skin because the pain was heavy in my mind and heart, but my words betray me. 

I’m writing this letter to you because I now know that it’s okay not to be okay. Sometimes we feel bad and sad, even unhappy because situations are uncanny. 

These times I’m talking about weren’t yesterday and neither were they too long ago.

I am still pretty much sunken from time to time, but the difference is I no longer have to apologize for it. 

I have stopped spending every moment of my life trying to fix myself, I am not broken clock, and I hope that you realise that you are not too. 

Chinwekene Daniel Umeaka.