ọ mara mma

She was beauty, both in name and in spirit.
She made it a habit to strut gracefully in front of the mirror in her room, ‘my little sanctuary’ she used to call it. 

She thought of her room as magical, somewhat surreal even, she always felt lost in its cozy embrace. She said whenever she was in it alone, she felt a satisfying gentle nuzzle of peace. 

•••••

The times she spent outside her room; at school, at church, at the dinner table made her feel too seen, she felt naked without her consent, like she was in a tiny lucid glass jar where an audience made up of wide eyed spectators stared down at her from outside the jar. 

She could tell what they thought of her, she always felt the sharp stings their gaze left on her skin. It made her skin crawl just thinking of it.

•••••

Her mama and papa were her greatest cheerleaders. They lifted her and guided her through, every step of the way. 

They wanted to see her win at this thing, life. 

She had thoughts that pulled her down, trampled endlessly on her sense of self. 

She was trying so hard, so hard to paddle away from the seething wave of self doubt. Experiencing each day was a hectic journey.

•••••

She always wondered why the time chose not to stop ticking, she wasn’t ready to take life on her own, she wasn’t.

She spent her university days lurking within the confines of her dorm room, her ‘temporary sanctuary.’ 

•••••

It was a trying period, she had graduated, she realized the time had come for her to piece together the puzzled feathers, make her wings and fly solo.

And that she did.

•••••

So far, she has done tremendously well on her own, tripping and picking herself up when she needs to.

It’s been a tough run for her, growing out of her shell and no longer being anxious of people’s comments and thoughts about her. She doesn’t let the society dictate how much or what she should love about herself. 

She is her own woman, a woman who struts gracefully, not just before her mirror but a woman who has now learned to grace the world with her majestic strut, prideful in her sound mind and beautiful soul. 

••••

She has always had a relentless ethos, pushed herself to limits, challenged her fears. How do I happen to know so much about her? I used to be her alter ego, her name was Ona.

Ona wasn’t very happy, so I killed her and I know she’s grateful  I did. I am beauty, both in name and in essence, my name is Nwabuona.

Chinwekene Daniel Umeaka✨